Training for the Columbus Marathon

Talking breasts are disturbing

So I basically suck at sports. I am not a graceful person. I have never been a strong, lean, or agile person either, and you need most of these attributes to play sports... unless you want to play golf, but since I'm not a middle aged white-collar businessman I don't have much interest in that crap. I'm actually afraid of golf courses, but I'll explain that some other time. Also, I have a decent enough rack that it is impossible for me to correctly hold the golf club without smashing my boobs or forcing them up over the top of my shirt.

Running is the one "sport" I am (subjectively) good at.  I'm fairly tall for a girl and my legs are much longer than my munchkin torso would imply, so that seems to help. I don't know if that's really considered a sport or not, but they have track and cross country, so we'll go with it. I actually tried out for track in 7th and 8th grade. At the time I was an OK runner, especially considering that I was pretty overweight. My dad and I would go running together in the morning sometimes (he was a jock and track star in high school) and we ran pretty far so I thought I'd be a shoe in.

I did not make the 7th grade track team. I made the 8th.

Just.Barely.

I was the second slowest girl on the team. The slowest girl was still a popular girl though and everyone cheered for and encouraged her. Me... not so much. Honestly, the only reason I ran was because I wanted the track sweater you get and my parents told me that I couldn't keep it if I didn't finish the season. I stuck out that miserable purgatory and earned my sweater, and then my freshman year of high school I put it in my locker and someone stole it. Sigh... I still am bitter to this day about that. At least I entertained a lot of people that season hefting my red-faced chubby little ass around the track.

Anyway, since then I actually spent some time running (and lost 60lbs) and was able to get pretty good at it, and for a while I was fairly dedicated. When I was unemployed I ran 4-5 miles a day for a month. I got a job a short while later, where I met Justin. After some talking we learned that we both liked to run, and Justin suggested that we start training to run the Columbus Half-Marathon in October. I told him he was a fucking lunatic and there was no way I would be doing that, but eventually I came around because I wanted a running buddy and I figured seven months to train was doable since I could already run 6 miles.

But Cake Betch, how do you train for a half marathon?

I'm so glad you asked.

According to MarathonRookie.com, this is is what your schedule should look like:

10-Week Half Marathon Training Schedule

Week	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	Sun	Total
1	3	Rest	3	3	Rest	4	Rest	13
2	3	Rest	4	3	Rest	5	Rest	15
3	3	Rest	4	3	Rest	6	Rest	16
4	3	Rest	5	3	Rest	8	Rest	19
5	3	Rest	5	3	Rest	10	Rest	21
6	4	Rest	5	4	Rest	11	Rest	24
7	4	Rest	6	4	Rest	12	Rest	26
8	4	Rest	5	4	Rest	9	Rest	22
9	3	Rest	4	3	Rest	8	Rest	18
10	3	Rest	3	Walk 2	Rest	13.1	Rest	21.1

This is what our schedule actually looked like:

10-Week Half Marathon Training Schedule

Week	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thur	Fri	Sat	Sun	Total
1	Rest	3	Rest	Rest	Rest	Drink	Drink	3
2	Rest	Rest	Rest	Rest	Rest	Drink	Drink	0
3	Rest	Rest	2	Rest	Rest	Drink	Drink	2
4	Rest	Rest	Rest	Rest	2.5	Drink	Drink	2.5
5	3	Rest	Rest	Rest	Rest	Drink	Drink	3
6	Rest	Rest	Rest	Rest	Rest	Drink	Drink	0
7	Rest	Rest	Rest	2	Rest	Drink	Drink	2
8	Rest	Rest	Rest	Rest	Rest	Drink	Drink	0
9	Rest	Rest	Rest	Rest	3	Drink	Drink	3
10	Rest	2	Rest	Rest	Rest	Drink	Drink	2

Just a taaaaaad bit different.

Here's what we did to achieve this level of awesomeness: We would meet at some metro park and knock out anywhere from 2-3 or so miles for about 30 minutes. Afterward we'd take a walk to cool down, hop in the car, and drive over to BW3's. We then would proceed to eat boneless wings and drink two or three 22-oz glasses of beer. It was the best training program I have ever been on.

I probably do not have to tell you that we did not run the Columbus Half Marathon (which is this Sunday btw). We had a damn good time training for it though. I'd highly recommend our strategy to anyone... unless of course you actually plan to run a half or full marathon.