Thursday, July 28, 2011

Overreactions Are Fun

First things first:

I'm sorry that it takes me so long to make these. I know some of you start getting antsy, but frankly I am a.) lazy, b.) actually working now, and c.) lazy and it takes me forever to get these done. You can expect one every.... iunno, two to three weeks. I have basically no inspiration and I have to wait for something stupid to happen before I can write about it. Quality over quantity. Well, somewhat quality.

This is a conversation I had two weeks ago with a guy from the vet hospital I take Kaiser to. The gist is that Kaiser needed to get his stomach tacked (i.e. a 'gastropexy') to help prevent death if he bloats, and I wanted to get his hips x-rayed because he seems to be standing weird and it's making me nervous. Large breed dogs can develop hip dysplasia right around a year and a half of age (which is what Kaiser is) and if you don't know anything about it let me just tell you that it's bad. And expensive. 

So, this is me calling up the hospital... beep boop beep boop beep.

Douchefuck: Blankity blank vet hospital?

Me: Hey, I have a Great Dane named Kaiser and I want to get him set up for an x-ray and/or orthopedic evaluation because he's been standing strangely. Also, I want to set up an appointment to get his stomach tacked. When I was there last time the doctor told me they can probably do an x-ray for his hips while he is in surgery for a stomach tacking?

Uh.... okay. You said gastropexy and neuter?

No, he's been neutered. I want to get his stomach tacked and his hips x-rayed because I'm concerned that he might have hip dysplasia. His trot and walk are fine, but he stands with his hips turned out at an awkward angle and I just want to get him checked to make sure nothing is going on.

Oh, okay, well most people get the gastropexy and the neuter at the same time.

He's already been neutered. A year ago.

Ah. Well you'll have to make two separate appointments because the soft tissue surgery and the orthopedics will require two separate appointments.

I had him in there about two weeks ago for eye surgery and the doctor told me they could probably do the gastropexy and then x-ray his hips while he was unconscious.

No, it'll require two separate appointments. The gastropexy we can do next week but the orthopedic is going to be out until.... August 4th. He'll also be here for three days.

I'm sorry, three days? Is that for the gastropexy or the x-ray...?

Yes, the gastropexy; all surgeries are typically three days, appointment the first day, surgery the next day, goes home the third day.

Huh, well I just had him in for eye surgery and he came home the same day?

Yeah, no, it's three days.

Okay, well that's fine. Can we set that up?

Sure.... okay, so the gastropexy and the neuter, we have July 25th available, 10:45am or 11:15am?

Just the gastropexy surgery. He was neutered last year. I'd like the 11:15am appointment please.

Okay. You're all set.

Can I also set up an appointment now to get an orthopedic evaluation? If it's not available until next month I'd like to just set it up now.

Yes, but that's not available until August 4th.

That's fine, lets go ahead and set it up now because I noticed the hip thing about two weeks ago and I want to get them checked out to make sure nothing is going on.

Okay, has he been to blankity blank hospital before? 

.....Yes, he was there two weeks ago for eye surgery.

Oh okay. What's your name?


What's your last name?


What's the dog's name?


Okay, we've got a 10:45 on August 3rd.

10:45 on August third? Because you said fourth a minute ago.

Yes, the third.

Okay, that's fine.

Okay, so he has an awkward gait you said?

No, his gait is fine. HE IS STANDING WEIRD.

Okay, so what's he doing? 

He just stopped and one of his legs was turned out. Since this is about the time when they start developing Hip Dysplasia, I want to get him looked at.

Okay. I'm assuming this is a big dog?


Yeah...... he could have Hip Dysplasia. Has anyone used that term with you yet?


Okay, I just want to make sure I'm writing this all down right. You know that's major surgery right? That's about a $4,000 surgery.


You thought I was going to shoot Kaiser at first, didn't you?