Friday, January 21, 2011

More Family on Family Violence

I was pretty surprised by the amount of people that liked my story about my dad stabbing me in the hand. I thought, "Is there another incident of familial violence I can spin into a funny story?" And then I remembered the time I hurt my sister Rachel. I was maybe 11 (read: old enough to know better) which would have made her 6. Here's a possible child pornography picture of Rachel and myself at what I assume is that age:
Rachel flashing her panties... I'm sure when I said pornographic everyone that knows me assumed  I was the one being indecent.
It started out innocently enough; Rachel and I were in the kitchen, and I was balancing a can of Dinosaur Spaghettios on my head, you know, like you do.
I had gotten into this phase where I was super intent on balancing things on my body. I spent a lot of time in the garage and driveway learning how to balance a broom on one finger, and this also translated to balancing things on my head. No, I'm not joking. I was damn proud of the fact that I could hold a broom on my finger in the air longer than anyone I challenged.

Anyway...... So I'm balancing this can, feeling pretty awesome, when mom comes in to make sure I'm not having any fun at all. She doesn't want me balancing that can on my head because it could fall off and hurt Rachel.

Who cared about Rachel?? Couldn't she see I was working on my balancing?

Of course as soon as she left the room I went right back to my stupendous can balance. And not even thirty seconds later that can slid off the top of my head, and of all directions it could have gone, it went directly into Rachel's face.... and broke her nose.

We actually didn't realize her nose was broken at the time. We didn't realize it until five or six years later when she had grown some more and her nose developed an ever-so-slight hook on the top. And she discovered she couldn't breathe out of it properly. Whoopsies!

Last year it was confirmed that it had been broken and she had to have surgery to open her nasal passages. Here's an awesome picture of her with frozen coconut on her face after the surgery.
She looks THRILLED to be able to breathe again!
I'm pretty much the best sister that ever existed.

You know though, I feel that my actions were just carrying on a tradition that has been upheld in my family for two generations now. When my mom was ten, her sister Ellen (who was eleven) broke her nose by hitting her in the face with the heel of a shoe. At least I didn't actually hit Rachel... I got a can to do my dirty work.

And one last closing question: Did you ever do stuff like this to your younger siblings when they slept?


  1. I like how you managed to pull the two most embarrassing photos of me off Facebook. And you didn't mention the numerous times you bent/broke my glasses when we got into wrestling fights.

  2. I delivered so much pain when we were younger I don't remember the majority of it. I was going to put one cute picture of us both on there but I couldn't figure out how to work it in.

  3. Sisterly love is a beautiful thing....

  4. I'm an only child so I don't have any fun stories like that... unless you count the time I was seven or eight and kicked my older cousin in the groin... I still say he deserved it, I had only just regained my breath from when he pushed me out of the tree house. On to the ground. There are probably more stories like that involving my cousins, now that I think about it.... hmmmmm

  5. You guys aren't going to fight about it, are you? Great post!

  6. Lol yeah I have quite a few of those stories with my cousin as well. I didn't have brothers so I never really was able to defend myself from male cousins.

  7. Mom - Oh, and we have it in spades
    Pat - We don't fight anymore, we got plenty of it done when we were kids :-D

  8. One evening as kids when I had friends sleeping over, my little brother (2 1/2 yrs younger) had fallen asleep in the family room on the sofa... which basically meant we couldn't be in there because he was sleeping. (Apparently if my parents woke him up and took him upstairs the world would end) So my friends & I retaliated by putting a bowl of warm water next to the sofa and submerging his hand in hope that we could make him piss himself... problem was we were all laughing so hard we almost did. So we left the room, came back an hour later... still dry. Another 30 min with zero results and we just about gave up... till I got angry and just dumped the bowl of water on his... well.. you know. Then we all ran out of the room. 10 minutes later her was out of the room, the sofa was ours and we could watch tv.... 24 hours later my mother tells me my brother came to our parents room in the middle of the night crying because he "wet himself" and was beyond embarrassed......
    He never knew I did that to him, but the guilt I felt upon hearing it was (& still is) punishment enough... even 25 years later.

  9. lol...I'm so glad I didnt have any sisters.

  10. I always wanted to be an only child until I got older, now I wouldn't trade my sisters for anything :-) Except maybe a full-time personal masseuse.

  11. PS - For some reason my comments are posting all out of whack so if it seems like I'm replying in an odd fashion that's why.

    Goofy - That story made me sad! Haha. I did a lot of meaner things to my sisters though. I'd tie them to chairs when my parents left there were definitely a lot of physical fights between Rachel and I. Girls are mean! haha

  12. just thought you'd like to know... you've received a blog award .... just sayin'...

  13. We did the same thing to my brother, except with toothpaste. Good times :)

  14. Lol that white stuff on her face IS toothpaste. The rest was my mom's lipstick :-D


Talk to the Cake Betch - I'll always respond. Unless you're a dick, then I'll just be mad.