More Family on Family Violence

I was pretty surprised by the amount of people that liked my story about my dad stabbing me in the hand. I thought, "Is there another incident of familial violence I can spin into a funny story?" And then I remembered the time I hurt my sister Rachel. I was maybe 11 (read: old enough to know better) which would have made her 6. Here's a possible child pornography picture of Rachel and myself at what I assume is that age:

Rachel flashing her panties... I'm sure when I said pornographic everyone that knows me assumed  I was the one being indecent.

It started out innocently enough; Rachel and I were in the kitchen, and I was balancing a can of Dinosaur Spaghettios on my head, you know, like you do.

I had gotten into this phase where I was super intent on balancing things on my body. I spent a lot of time in the garage and driveway learning how to balance a broom on one finger, and this also translated to balancing things on my head. No, I'm not joking. I was damn proud of the fact that I could hold a broom on my finger in the air longer than anyone I challenged.

Anyway...... So I'm balancing this can, feeling pretty awesome, when mom comes in to make sure I'm not having any fun at all. She doesn't want me balancing that can on my head because it could fall off and hurt Rachel.

Who cared about Rachel?? Couldn't she see I was working on my balancing?

Of course as soon as she left the room I went right back to my stupendous can balance. And not even thirty seconds later that can slid off the top of my head, and of all directions it could have gone, it went directly into Rachel's face.... and broke her nose.

We actually didn't realize her nose was broken at the time. We didn't realize it until five or six years later when she had grown some more and her nose developed an ever-so-slight hook on the top. And she discovered she couldn't breathe out of it properly. Whoopsies!

Last year it was confirmed that it had been broken and she had to have surgery to open her nasal passages. Here's an awesome picture of her with frozen coconut on her face after the surgery.

She looks THRILLED to be able to breathe again!

I'm pretty much the best sister that ever existed.

You know though, I feel that my actions were just carrying on a tradition that has been upheld in my family for two generations now. When my mom was ten, her sister Ellen (who was eleven) broke her nose by hitting her in the face with the heel of a shoe. At least I didn't actually hit Rachel... I got a can to do my dirty work.

And one last closing question: Did you ever do stuff like this to your younger siblings when they slept?