Thursday, June 30, 2011

Voluntary Vehicular Manslaughter

I am pretty sure that I have road rage, guys.

It dawned on me last week as I was driving home and imagining swerving up onto the sidewalk or going through the stop sign and running over every smug bastard out jogging that maybe I have a problem. I mean, I can find someone to run over every time I drive my car anywhere. Even if I just drive somewhere in my neighborhood there are people that I want to run over.

Does anyone else feel this way or am I a complete psychopath?

Of course, I would never run anyone over. Well, I haven't yet. 

On the "To Run-Over" List:
- People riding their bike in front of me when I'm trying to drive anyfuckingwhere.

- Pretty much anyone riding their bike

- Old people trying to cross the street that are really slow

- Smug bastards running or walking (yeah, look at you, exercising! Fuck you!)

- Little kids playing in the street (natural selection)

- People who take their sweet ass fucking time walking across the road when they see me coming

- People who walk across the street even when they don't have the 'Walk' sign because they know if I hit them I'm at fault no matter what

- People wearing yellow
- Construction workers who think because they're working in the road they fucking own it

- The cop that works the construction zone up the street from my house that fucking waves her arms nonstop and confuses me

- Bums on the side of the road

- Anyone collecting money for any cause in the middle of an intersection or roadway

And yes, that is the car I drive (well, it's a drawing of it). So if you see me coming please find a fucking sidewalk and get your ass to it. 

73 comments:

  1. Whew! I needed a good laugh today!! Bahaha. Now off to clean the bathroom, blech.

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  2. Okay. So I'm filling in for the admin for the regional vice president for my job. And I laughed out loud, enough for my boss to peek out, so I shared your blogged. We both laughed. I feel your pain. There are folks I want to run over, too. So, you're not crazy. Unless if were both crazy.

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  3. Holy crap! I'm right there with you. Except everyone gets points. Everyone. The dumber they are, they more points they're worth.

    But a blind nun will always win automatically.

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  4. I like those signs that say $500 fine for hitting a road worker. That means if you were rich you could make a day of it, right?

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  5. I just snorted out loud after reading this. HILARIOUS!!!!!

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  6. You're not a psycho - I feel the same way lately! Wait, I guess that doesn't really rule out the psychopath thing - maybe we're both just nuts.

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  7. You have perfectly captured my rage at Columbus police directing traffic.

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  8. Actually... if they aren't in a crosswalk, you can hit them, and it's LEGAL. NO really. I sat on a jury hearing where a little old lady got hit by a car, and tried to sue, and we were like, "where'd she cross?!? Was she in a place where you'd LOOK for a little old lady?" ...and when they said no, we were all, "well than that old bird deserved it!" So, there. Extra points if you go up onto the curb to hit them, though.

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  9. Hilarious. I feel the same way a lot of the time.

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  10. Yvonne - Well I'm glad to make you laugh before you go clean up the shitter. Lol.

    nikki - LOL. I thought about you today! I had to make a phone call that I really didn't want to make and then I thought about your job (or the one you used to have, I don't know if you still work there) and was like, No, that's way worse. I can do this.

    Haven - I tend to go with more points for smarter people or more mobile people. Like, hitting an old person is low points, because let's face it, they're not going anywhere fast even if they want to. Someone running is worth more points because they're agile. I do agree though, nuns take the cake.

    TS Hendrik - That made me LOL. Something tells me that the fine is the least amount of trouble you're going to be in if you actually go construction worker bowling with your vehicle.

    Oilfield - Oh I see how you are, you can't actually laugh, you only snort? Well... I suppose I'll take it, cause you did write hilarious.

    iambmac - You know I love you, but I am not going to make any assumptions on sanity where we have something in common! Haha! :-D

    grngeekgirl - I bet you that you've driven past this same cop yourself. I'll give you a hint: it's near a hospital. Haha! I want to scream every time I drive past her. She sucks! The other cops stand there and make a motion when they want something. She just fucking flails her arms and blows her whistle for no apparent reason.

    Hollis N. Notgrass - Well see the only time I've encountered this they ARE in a crosswalk. But they walk when it says not to walk!! They walk when I have the green light! And then they always look at me with that smug face like, "go ahead, hit me, I'll sue your ass."

    Kimberly - Well I'm glad I'm not the only one. I feel like this pretty much all the time though.

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  11. Goddamn I love you! You have no idea. Like seriously, if I knew you were going to be somewhere I could get at, I would be there. Love the pic of the guy running. I'm a runner and I feel that way when I see other runners on the road. I'm like, "Asshole, the sidewalk is one foot over to your fucken right!" I think you road rage may be contagious. I have a sudden urge to get in my car and look for children playing near the street.

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  12. You made me giggle through my nose.

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  13. Oh yeah! We've all thought about it and wanted to do it. I know I have...
    Another classic post Tara!
    Handled!

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  14. I am not sure but I think you might be going to hell lol

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  15. Sandra - Hahahaha. Some day! Some day we must hang out. You live all far north 'n shit, but maybe a blog conference someday if I ever fool enough people into reading my blog? Maybe we'll make a car trip to Canada - there are a ton of you Canuks (sp??) that I read that I would totally hang out with. We need to get drink and take lotsa pictures.

    Jen O. - I hope no pop was involved. Pop burns.

    Pat Tillett - Thanks Mr! I got it handled. :-D

    Mrs. Pickle - Oh my dear Mrs. Pickle, if I am going to hell I will see you there. We'll talk about all the things that landed us there, because I'm sure we could talk forever.

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  16. :-) Funny girl.

    I want to be with you when we run down the peds in the middle of the street. You are WALKING IN THE STREET! Do you not see my car coming? Why do you trust me so? I wouldn't trust me! Get on to the sidewalk!!

    Pearl

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  17. Pearl - Some day Pearl, I dream of this. I dream of getting some ice cream by the pier. Then, perhaps a coffee? No, ha ha, no. We'll be getting pints of vodka for each of us. Then we'll steal a vehicle and play Bowling for Pedestrians. Someday....

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  18. I'm proud that I'm in good company in my road rage. This is me you just described to a T. Let's drive somewhere together and have a laugh at all the idiots we could run over!!

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  19. I absolutely adore your pictures. The next time you are in South Africa (cause ya know, it's right around the corner...give or take a few miles) you must teach me how to draw like that. You can sleepover *creepy eye wink *perverted grin

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  20. so, um....where abouts are you usually driving? lol

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  21. Tara - This post just blew me away - and not on the hood of your car! The pictures did remind me of what my face must look like as I am teaching my daughter how to drive. She doesn't have road or roid rage, but EVERYONE is in the way - sidewalk, crosswalk, catwalk - no one is safe... The point system for kids increases for slower runners or obnoxious brats, by the way.

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  22. OK, the dog is confused now because I won't stop laughing. I love this post! But then, I pretty much love anything you post. I love the pic of the bike flipping over your car. The only bikers that I want to hit are the men wearing matching skin-tight neon. I also hate people on motorcycles who think it's ok to swerve in between lanes of traffic.

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  23. Can you come to my neighborhood for a couple of days... because I see these offenders on a regular basis... Especially the slow people in the crosswalk who know you're waiting for them but they walk slowly anyway and stare at you like they're daring you to do something about it. They would look so much better rolling up over the hood of your car.

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  24. Don't ever drive in Portland, OR - the bikers are ALL like that. Except my husband and my friend Darth Weasel. But the rest of them suck.

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  25. Tara, I love this entry! Freaking Hilarious! I too, like others have road rage, and before I even read this post--i actually saw the header during work but decided not to open it for reasons I won't go into here--on the way home I wanted to do one or more things you mentioned to at least a couple of people.

    As always, I love your illustrations.

    The first individual was a biker on a side road I take to and from work. This person was dressed like they could have been Lance Armstrong's teammate when he was with the U.S. postal service. They were over to the side, but still close enough i could have hit them. Point is the should have been over further. Like on the other side of the white edge line that marks the end of the road. Yet this person would not budge, and they had to hear my truck, a 1987 Ford F250 with an engine so loud you can hear it a half a mile away. I thought this guy had some nerve. As I got closer I realized it was some lady, as her helmet shielded her identity, yet I still thought she could have moved over a bit more.

    Then I get on the main road near my apartment complex, a four lane road, and while I am in the far right hand lane, at one of the intersections a couple decides to GET OUT OF THEIR TRUCK to have a convo. I just kept driving as the light was green but I thought I wish I could hit them just on principle.

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  26. No worries...you're not a complete psychopath,you have not actually killed anyone yet. Until then you will just be incomplete...I feel safer already.

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  27. Nice job Cake Betch, hilarious drawings! I like that you post quality, not quantity :)

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  28. I like to set up the points so that the guy in the middle is worth double if you get him but not the ones on the outside. I have a very complicated point system.

    Also, I also have "runner rage", "biker rage", and "hiker rage" in addition to road rage. But the car is the only time I (usually) win.

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  29. i hate drunk people on bikes -.-

    there are a lot of them

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  30. Bouncin Barb - I am so down with that. We'll road rage it up!

    Chelsey - Oooh is that like, sleepover in your basement all tied up and gagged? Kinky! Also, it's real easy to draw like that. Download Gimp which is like a pretend version of Photoshop and go to town! I will still pop over to South Africa maybe some day when I'm filthy rich (right) and can afford to fly myself all over the world.

    Henrietta Collins - In and around the greater Columbus area. And on sidewalks.

    laughingmom - I think that might be one of the biggest fears I have about kids - having to teach them how to drive. It just seems like such a horrible scary thing. I don't know how I'm ever going to feel comfortable with a 15 year old behind the wheel of my car. I guess if you get her started on the proper running people down techniques now she'll be okay in a few years.

    Stephanie - Thanks, and OH ME TOO. When those bastards zip around me I just want to ever so slightly swerve into their lane. I wouldn't even have to hit them, just make them THINK I'm going to hit them. Then they go for a spinny spin spin on the highway and I drive away lauuuuuuuughing.

    bluzdude - Oh I have plenty of those here. Pleeenty of those here. Living downtown makes it that much worse. Living near a bunch of liquor stores and vacant buildings makes it that much worse too. Those folks are REAL infuriating.

    Riot Kitty - Darth Weasel? You're going to drop a name like that and not explain wtf it means?? I'm going to be contemplating that all day. I would love to go to Portland though cause a lot of great beers come out of there. I'll get a little tipsy and go Pedestrian Bowling.

    jarrod877 - WTF? Why would they need to get out of their vehicle to have a conversation?? I might have honked or flipped them the bird... at least I would have driven away muttering to myself about how dumb they were. People can be such inconsiderate aholes!

    Chuck - That's fine, Incomplete Psychopath sounds a little better than Complete Psychopath. I'll rock that title as long as I can, which probably won't be that long seeing as how I have to drive every day.

    Rebecca - Thank you, thank you. I don't know that everything I post is quality, but let's just pretend that's true. It takes me a ridiculous amount of time to get everything finished though, so I'd have to be jobless or something in order to crank out more posts. Glad you like them though! :-D

    Leauxra - Oh wow, that is super complicated! How would you even go about doing that? I suppose if you waited until he or she fell back behind the two you could just give him or her a little love tap.

    Laughing Vault - Hahahaha. I don't actually see that many drunk people on bikes. They're usually hipsters or hippies or people who want to save the environment or something. Drunk people on bikes might be pretty funny.

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  31. Oh, how I love this! The old people with the walkers are the ones who get to me most. And the cyclers. AND the construction workers. But mostly the old people. It's even worse when they're on those motorscooters. Because really, they have no excuse. I know for a fact those things go faster than -30 miles an hour...

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  32. One of these days I will intentionally hit a bicyclist and not stop nor will I feel any bit of remorse for it. Seriously, get the eff off the road; you don't own it! :)

    Thanks for the laughs!

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  33. Yeah, that's pretty kick ass and all...but try that shit up against a fully armour plated tank with submachine guns and cannons attached. I don't own one myself...but if I did, I'd be one lethal sonofabitch.

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  34. Also, tell me that homeless guy lives near where you live or work or a nearby establishment you and justin frequently visit. I mean, obviously, ive been walking around the sidewalks of cbus on many occasions, and ive seen a few of them myself, but i usually ignore the bums. I mean come on, if I am going to spend money on booze its gonna be for me or my friends, not some stranger sitting on the sidewalk i'll probably never see again. But that photo is priceless.

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  35. Lol this is too funny, nice pics haha. Btw i feel the same way too, cant stand people who think they own the street so they think they can do as they please in it.

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  36. This was funny..... then I took your advice and went out and did this...... now Im commenting from prison!

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  37. justmakingconvo - One time I saw a dude who was like 80 years old and dressed in a nice shirt and slacks driving a neon green crotch rocket. It was like the most fucking amazing thing I've ever seen in my entire life, because he had the most serious expression on his face. Then and there I made a promise to him: "Old man, you are the most metal thing I will see for the rest of my life." So far he has kept it. Shhhhhh.....we don't need to discuss how this is related in anyway to your comment.

    Kristine - You're welcome. Because running people over with a car is totes a funny thing. No I'm just fucking with you; that'd be pretty terrible to write something like this and then pretend someone was more fucked up than myself.

    Der Ãœbermensch - Uh yeah, you fucking would. I mean, this post is about running over people with my fucking car. I'm real stupid, but I'm not stupid enough to run over a tank with ammunition. You roll through my neighborhood in a tank and I PROBABLY won't try to hit you.

    jarrod877 - He might be the coolest homeless person ever. No, he doesn't live near me. Well, I don't think he does because I just googled homeless people ad he came up and I was like, "UM, YES????" I'm pretty sure he isn't homeless and is just making a funny. But if he IS homeless he should have his own tv show.

    Devour - We should get along fabulously then Devour! Let's start with Pedestrian bowling shall we?

    Steve Bailey - Fantastic! Please let me know if you do any kind of 20/20 or Date Time or CSI tv show things. I would LOVE to be involved with that. Specifically if no one knows I'm the original psycho.

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  38. Tara, talk about running over people...I was watching TruTV last night and thought I had to share this...

    They were running a marathon about the "World's Most Shocking.." and the emphasis was on dangerous drivers.

    Among some of the highlights I saw were a man get knocked ten feet in the air when a drunk driver did a hit a run(the drunk driver did not get away in the end).

    A cop that pulled someone over for speeding almost gets hit by an eighteen wheeler, but somehow manages to climb over the suv he had pulled over just in the nick of time.

    A couple of cops pull over a guy for a dui. Then a third party(also drunk) hits both officers with his SUV. They say one of the cops walks away unscathed while the other will never be a policeman again.

    A semi rig bashes through three lanes of traffic on a freeway.

    And, an enraged driver actually uses his vehicle as a bowling ball on a city street, but luckily the human bowling pins get away unscathed.

    I know I get a good case of road rage now and then, but I am sure the guilt would eat at me nonstop if I did any of the above things.

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  39. Also, I'd like to point out that one of you're readers said that running over someone is perfectly legal--as long as they are jaywalking in an unmarked section of the road.

    WRONG. I am pretty sure if you intentionally hit someone with you're car, and get caught doing so, you're going to jail. The case you are talking about is a civil lawsuit, and the same laws don't apply as in a criminal trial. Which is why it is called a civil lawsuit in the first place.

    Don't believe me? Try hitting someone next time you're on the road. Then make sure you wait for cops to arrive on the scene. When they get there, tell the officer you intentionally hit the bastard because he was jaywalking in an unmarked section of the road and would not get out of the way fast enough. Then let me know how it all turns out.

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  40. oops... just noticed it said 'you're car' and I meant to say 'your car'

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  41. I just showed this to some people, everybody is cracking up!

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  42. Jarrod877 - Lol I don't think that he meant it was legal to hit someone purposely with your car, I think he just meant that you might not be automatically at fault if you hit someone outside of the crosswalks. I.e. if I'm driving in the city and someone crosses the street in front of me out of a crosswalk and I hit that person I'm not automatically at fault because I didn't know to be paying attention there. I don't know what the actual law is because I thought you were always at fault no matter what, but that could be true. And I've seen those shows before, back when I had cable.... but they're crazy. Absolutely crazy. People are nuts. Also, I would HOPE that anyone reading this knows that it's a JOKE and that I wouldn't actually hit anyone with my car. Draw pictures and write about it, absolutely, but actually do it, no :-)

    Pat Tillett - LOL! Thanks for sharing it! Glad I could make someone laugh.

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  43. Oh yes, I have some serious road rage as well. I almost got a fight with this guy last summer... I was living in an apartment at the time. I came home, and was pulling through the parking lot, which is a Mexican playground during the day. I had to slam on my brakes to avoid running over a small Mexican child. He just looked up at me and wouldn't move. I honked. He just stared at me, and his parents were doing nothing, so I rev'd up the engine and started smoking my tires (400 horsepower Mustang with no mufflers) and he ran away crying. His dad came out and wanted to fight me. I told him it wasn't a goddamn playground, he disagreed, wanted to fight. So I told him I'm a blue belt in Brazilian jiu jitsu and asked him how many arms he wanted broken. I was going to try for 2. Seemed he didn't want to mouth off after that. In retrospect, I should have just run him over. And his stupid kid.

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  44. A Beer for the Shower - WHOA. I mean, I can see how kids might want to play in the parking lot in an apartment (cause there is pretty much no where else) but jesus christ, they need to move for cars. I had the same problem when I lived in an apartment complex; those little shits would play basketball and football in the parking lot and would take their sweet ass time getting out of the way. One threw a football directly over my car as I drove past. I was REAL pissed about that.

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  45. I hear ya.

    I am at my most selfish state of mind when I am driving. I constantly catch myself thinking, "I wish I were the only person who had access to the road." If someone were to ask me if I hate them (including my closest friends and family,) I would have to honestly respond with, "only when we are driving on the road at the same time."

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  46. Rico Swaff - ME TOO! I've thought THE SAME THING! One time someone asked me if I could make any law that I want what would it be? It was that I could drive as fast as I want to and everyone has to get off the road when I'm on it.

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  47. This made me giggle.

    I think I have road rage. I tend to curse whenever I'm driving.

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  48. My family has an entire points system based on a multitude of different factors. Our highest points go to smug bicyclists who don't obey traffic laws.

    Hillarious post as usual!

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  49. WhisperingWriter - Me too girlfran, me too. I haven't hit anyone yet. Knock on wood.

    Laura Greene - My family doesn't really have a points system, but I definitely do. It's a sliding scale depending on age and mobility. An old ass person is obviously a really easy target and might even die BEFORE you hit them, so they're on the low end. Small children who are fast and nimble are worth more points, as are people on moving objects (bikes, scooters, skateboards, roller blades, etc).

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  50. I feel the same way about bumper stickers. Or as I like to call them, "Bumper Clutter."

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  51. Mandy_Fish - Me too, I am not a fan of bumper stickers. I don't care how stupid or broken down your ride is, adding stickers doesn't help.

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  52. Firstly, you are definitely not alone. Secondly, the people in the pokemon outfits deserve to die any way you look at it.

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  53. Elliot MacLeod-Michael - I know right? The whole, "People dressed in yellow" was supposed to be ridiculous but when I googled it and saw that I was like, "Yup. Perfect."

    Laughing Vault - Perhaps. I thought of a new one today but ideas are not often forthcoming with me. It takes a good two weeks or so before I think of something to write about. I'm just not that creative I suppose.

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  54. Someone should tell the people dressed in Yellow that Teletubbies come in other colors. I might not hit just one person wearing yellow, but when that many people wear yellow, it must mean they belong to a gang and must be dealt with accordingly. (Run them over works for me.)

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  55. You missed one...people who slow to zero miles an hour, swing WAAAAAAAAYYYYYY out to the left to turn into a driveway, thus ensuring nobody else can get by them, even on a 4 lane road. Smurfing idiots.

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  56. Ahmnodt Heare - They're practically flagging you down asking you to hit them! Yellow just screams, "Hi! I need you to run me over!"

    Darth Weasel - Hahaha those people do piss me the fuck off but I limited my running over to physical bodies. I wouldn't do a ton of damage to someone in a car. I definitely can't say that I've never thought about just giving them a good old fashioned shove from the rear with the front of my car though.

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  57. May copy, paste, print this for my wall as a check off list! As a Paramedic I used to have to save these a-holes. NOW--I want to kill them!

    Did I tell you lately that I Love your Blog?

    Of course not- beacause BLOGGER RAN me over!!! As did life. I think I hit your funk patch--but HIT didn't kill me!

    You are special. You also have special needs--LOL!

    Hugs sweet gal---I'm baaaaack!

    John

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  58. Your kicktastic drawings delight my ocular organs like nothing else on this planet. I say we take advantage of your talents by starting a greeting card business. 50/50. I'll be in charge of logistics. (Whatever that means.)

    ps. When you run over the yellow girl in the unitard, make sure you hit her smack in her cameltoe.

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  59. John McElveen - Hey, you're not a paramedic anymore right? GAME ON! I am special, and I do have special needs (like coffee all day long and sugar on demand). I'm back in my funk too, which is a regular occurrence I guess. But welcome back! Hope you're feeling better.

    justmakingconvo - Cameltoe - check. And yes! I will definitely start a greeting card company with you!
    On a related note, I used to take drawing classes. One of our 'assignments' was to draw a greeting card. So I cut a hole out of the front of the card and drew a really beautiful woman in the box and then made her enormous and covered in warts and clothes that were too small outside the picture. So, from the outside it appeared that she was beautiful, but she was terrifying on the inside.
    I showed it to one of my classmates thinking it was hilarious and he looked at it and wrinkled his nose and handed it back to me. My type of humor was obviously too refined for his tastes.

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  60. Though it's not much, I wanted to let you know that I gave you the most unflattering shout out possible today. And also possibly set up a competition if you think you can out do me.

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  61. A Beer for the Shower - LOL Thank you! There is no such thing as an unflattering shout out. Well, I guess if you were like, "This fat dumb bitch is the worst blogger in the entire world and I hope she falls off a cliff" that might hurt my feelings. But comparing yourself to me in stinkiness does not. I am a very stinky individual, Bonnaroo or not. I can't help it! Well, I could probably shower more often. But who has time for personal hygiene these days?

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  62. Simply brilliant. My mS Paint skills makes me feel like the handwriting of a Jeopardy contestant.

    (In voice of Sloth from Goonies) "What is the Mississippi River."

    That probably didn't make as much sense as it does when I speak it. Anyway, you skills are one to be envied.

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  63. Veggiemacabre - Aww thanks!! :-D They're not totally Paint though, I downloaded GIMP and have been using that pretty often. It's like a steroid version of Paint but falling apart before it gets to Photoshop. I can do transparencies and shading and stuff like that with it so it comes in handy :-)

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  64. People wearing YELLOW?!
    God. Kill me when you see me next time on the road okay.

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  65. Peevie Juice - The next time I'm in India and driving and you happen to be in the road and wearing yellow and I recognize you in person I will run you over. And that's a promise.

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  66. I love how your vindictive glee comes through in drawing the annoying biker's unfortunate demise. perhaps you've stumbled upon a promising therapeutic technique?

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  67. Love it :)

    I don't encounter walking people much because a majority of my driving is highway driving.

    The ones that bother me are: a) the ones walking & talking on their phone or texting with no awareness of their surroundings in a busy area, i.e. on campus; b) people who start crossing when there's a no crossing sign, see you, then stop and look at you in a daze; c) people who cross in the middle of effing nowhere because there's no crosswalk or light (there's no crosswalk for a reason!!) and d) people who take their damn time like I have nowhere to go. I'm very good at holding in my anger and disgust, thankfully.

    They get worse, here, when they're in a car...in Ft. Worth, people are either horrible or horribly rude drivers. Forget southern hospitality, this is the highway. No games, no respect. All I can do is air in my car and listen to some loud music and/or curse at them. I find car-aoke very therapeutic.

    ~Ashley~

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  68. In Bed with Married Women - I am so sorry, I don't know how I missed this comment, but I feel like a big dick for not seeing it. Thankfully Ashley came along and commented and now I've seen it.

    Anyway, yes, I have a feeling that hitting people with my car would be therapeutic. Actually it would probably be horribly traumatic, but at least a girl can pretend right? :-D

    ♥α§Ñ’£Îµ¥™♥ - Most of my driving is highway but living in the city means that I encounter a LOT of pedestrians. A lot. When I lived in the suburbs it wasn't a problem because no one walks there because nothing is located centrally, but inside the city people are all hip and healthy and walk a lot and shit. It's terrible.

    Other drivers are just as terrible but I already wrote a blog about that (it was one of my first actually, and I thought it was pretty funny, but I had like 3 readers at the time). In fact I pretty much hate everything have to do with the car and other drivers and if I could walk everywhere easily I probably would.

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  69. Amen to the last sentence. That's all I have to say, which, you know, for me, is rare. Amen.

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  71. No, you're not a complete psychopath... I have the same feeling about this guys, especially about this old peoples whose extremely slowly crosses the roads.. By the way.. If you own this beautiful Eclipse, big thumb up for you ;)

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  72. Anonymous - I think a lot of people feel this way and are just too nice to admit it. Let alone draw it. Lol. And yes, I drive an Eclipse :-D

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Talk to the Cake Betch - I'll always respond. Unless you're a dick, then I'll just be mad.