Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Guest Post - Patrick Tillett


Hey All! So I had this idea a week or two ago while I was reading some hilarious blogs and I thought, “Boy, I bet this would lend itself to some picture story-telling.” I mean, I am hilarious, but honestly I don’t always have funny shit to say. There are plenty of other funny stories out there to be told. So I had an idea that might be kind of fun: anyone that is interested can send me a story that they think is funny and would like to see in my gorgeous MS Paint renderings. I will draw the pictures to go along with it and then publish it as a guest post on my blog, maybe once or twice a month (these pictures take longer than you might think).

Just to give you an idea of what I’m talking about, I took the liberty of finding a story that I thought was hilarious and drawing it. The very first story I went with was taken from Patrick Tillett. I didn’t actually ask him before I did it, but I decided to pick one of his stories because he’s always been extremely supportive, encouraging, and downright sweet about all of my silly blog posts.

And guess what? He has a blog! And it’s awesome. You should definitely check it out. There are a lot of stories about his childhood and about serving in Vietnam that are hard to read but are so well written and so engrossing that when I first found his blog I spent probably four or five straight hours reading through them. There are also plenty of funny posts and tons of amazing photography in there as well. The story I chose was actually a response to a question someone had asked him on Formspring. You can find the original post right heeyaa. So thanks Pat for all your props. I hope you like it :-D

And if you other cake eaters like it and want to participate as a guest blogger, let me know! You don't have to have your own blog; if you read and want to tell a story just write it in an email to me. Otherwise let me know in the comments or send me a link to an already-written blog story that you want me to do. Obviously I’ll link back to your blog and totally talk you up, and you’ll be a handful of goofy-ass pictures richer (beatches).

So without further ado:


Have you ever worn woman's clothing that didn't involve it being Halloween?
Of course not! Well, actually I have…
Many years ago, I knew some folks that hosted a costume party 4 times a year. None of them involved Halloween. Written invitations were sent out via mail. In addition to the normal items included, there was also information relating to the theme of the party. If you did not dress appropriate to the announced theme, you did not get in the door. No matter how good a friend you were, you weren’t getting in. I had been to a couple of their parties; they were fun, but a lot of work. 
My girlfriend at the time (not the one that almost got me killed) came running in from the mailbox shrieking with happiness. 


She told me that we got an invitation to one of the costume parties. She was beside herself with glee. I asked her what the theme of the party was.
“Pimps and whores” she told me. 



“What’s so funny about that” I asked her.
“The guys have to be the whores!” she screamed while collapsing to the floor with laughter.
“I’m not going!
“Yes you are, because if you don’t, I’m going by myself!


I wasn’t at all happy about this. I finally rationalized that it wouldn’t be all that bad, because every guy there would be dressed like a prostitute, not just me. My girlfriend rented her costume; platform shoes, velvet suit, big hat with feathers in it, walking stick, etc.
The night of the party, I walked out of the house in a mini-skirt, fishnet stockings, heels, wig, full on make-up, fake nails, and knockers out to there. At the time, I wasn’t overweight at all, but I’m a big person. You can imagine how I looked.


The party was really good. Somebody took a bunch of photographs, had I gotten any of them, I'd attach one to this post.   YEAH RIGHT! It was hilarious to see the women trying to act “cool” and the guys trying to act “cheap.” I only knew that my spike heels were killing me. I eventually sprained my ankle and ditched them. A good time was had by all.
The party ended and we left. I threw the wig in the back seat of my VW and started home. We had gone about a mile when my throttle cable broke. Of course it was on a very busy and well lit street.  Don’t envision this happening in today’s world. Think about it happening in a world of no cell phones…
Picture me bending over the rear end of my bug, in my mini-skirt. On second thought don’t! I did have my own underwear on, but still, don't do it.  By the time I realized I couldn’t fix it myself, I had already been honked at several times. 


We needed to get to a phone, in a big hurry! There were a couple of brightly lit stores that were pretty close by. They both had public phones, but I insisted that we just pass right by them and walk into the residential area.


I stopped at the first house that had lights on. We called a tow truck and went back to the car and waited. Of course the tow truck driver couldn’t stop smiling while he hooked up my car. I explained the “rules” of the party to him, but he just shook his head and kept smiling. 


I’ve never gone out in public dressed in women’s clothing again. Wait, I mean I’ve never dressed in women’s clothing again.
Well Jamie, I hope that answers your question…

59 comments:

  1. You've done a great job of capturing this story in pictures! Loved this story the first time, but now it's even better!

    ReplyDelete
  2. That right there is a great post. Loved it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks Oilfield Trash - btw that is a really interesting name :-)

    ReplyDelete
  4. That is an awesome Pat in drag!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I tried to make a big burly dude. Something tells me the real thing would have been 100x better though :-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I was laughing all over again. Great job! You are both funny!

    ReplyDelete
  7. The pictures make the story that much better! Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  8. thanks for the chance to reread this awesome story. like visiting an old friend. except that now the friend's all decked out in hooker make-up and flaunting herself. . . . where was i going with this?
    oh yeah, great pictures! my favorite is the "pimps and whores" invitation one. ^_^

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh man, I'm sitting here reliving the feeling of dread I had when I realized I couldn't fix the car. My mom always told me to wear clean underwear whenever I went out, just in case there was an accident. She never told me squat about wearing a mini-skirt. Thanks CB for doing this...The picture of me bending over the car gives me the chills....LOL!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. great post by Patrick and great illustration as well! It helped the funny - especially the one with the "whore" inbetween the guys in the tow truck!

    ReplyDelete
  11. The scene with Patrick leaning over the car in a dress and bro underwear is my favorite. Fun, fun blog concept. Maybe I'll have to send a story sometime.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Pat in Drag. Now there's a great blog name! Pat in Drag Pat in Drag Pat in Drag Pat in Drag Pat in Drag Pat in Drag (yes, I am childish as I am chanting with my hands waving by my head!)

    p.s. can you do me now?????

    ツ my cyber house rules

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh my goodness, that's a riot! Glad is was a drawing and not photographs!!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Haaaaaaaaa Haaaaaaaaaaaaa. Visiting via Pat and I'm sold!!!! Great Blog!

    John

    ReplyDelete
  15. Even if I had some photos, I don't think I'd be sharing them! maybe for a price...

    great pictures! I love the job you did, it really brings the whole thing to life!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm picturing you in a neighborhood dressed that way...glad someone opened the door to you...

    ReplyDelete
  17. WOW! You have it right on here:) Suits the story to a tee;))

    ReplyDelete
  18. Thanks so much for all the props everyone :-) Glad you liked it.

    @Nikki - Send me a link to whatever story you want, or email with it!

    ReplyDelete
  19. funniest story ever. Loved the pics too

    ReplyDelete
  20. Came over from Pat's. I loved this story then and the pictures make it so snazzy and leave nothing to the imagination.

    Patrick speaks highly of you. I will have to pay some return trips.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Cake that is a great story made greater by your drawings! Pat, I remember how hard I laughed the first time I read that story...wait, I'm doing it again..hahahahaha!

    ReplyDelete
  22. FUNNIEST post, ever!!! LOVED it!!!! Your illustrations are perfect with Pat's story! (He sent me here, but I guarantee you he's paying me nothing to comment...he's cheap, don't ya know?) ;)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hahahaha. That was just awesome. Well done!!

    ReplyDelete
  24. I can say I have never seen this side of Pat, and hopefully will never again Ha Ha Seriously Great Job you did illustrating a good story about a great guy.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Dude! I love Pat's stories, didn't think anything could top 'em. That is until I saw your art! LOVE IT!!!!! You guys should work together more often.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I do remember this story, and now I will never forget it. Two great talents in one. The artwork is perfectly amusing. I especially like the picture of Pat in costume - with a hairy chest and fishnet stockings and all.
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
  27. Being female, I spend a lot of time in women's clothes. Never in tall heels!

    The pictures are fun and bright and memorable - but I wish there could be a photo too. Do you think you could persuade Pat to dress up now so we can get a rough idea of what he looked like then?

    Lucy

    ReplyDelete
  28. This is just precious... both the story and the pictures! Well done Pat and Cake Betch! Pat, I do NOT want to see you cross-dressed, not as a young man, not today. Even if I don't particularly care if people do... but not you; the energy is all wrong. :-D

    ReplyDelete
  29. Coming over from Pat's blog, and he is not kidding about your great illustrations! The car fixing one is best :-)

    ReplyDelete
  30. Lynda - Thanks!
    Mice - It is, but the credit for that belongs to Pat :-)
    Cheeseboy - I don't know if 'nothing to the imagination' is a good thing or not? Lol. Thanks for checking it out!
    Chuck - Thanks! I got quite a chuckle out of it too and thought it would lend itself to some pictures :-)
    Marlene - Thanks!! And he said that HE would accept payment for the recommendation! Lol!
    Baby Sister - Thanks! :-)
    Jimmy - I dunno, I think that it would be hilarious to see pictures of that night. Priceless would be an excellent way to describe it.
    Copyboy - Thanks! And I'd totally do more of my amazing MS Paint artwork for other stories from his blog.
    Rawknrobyn - Lol thank you! I tried to capture large and man hair.
    Lucy - I would LOOOVE to see a photo too. I bet if he had one from that night he'd probably show us but something tells me he isn't going to get dressed up now :-)
    Francisca - Thanks! But I still think it'd be hilarious to see the pictures. Especially the 'knockers out to here'.
    Icy BC - Lol thank you!!

    ReplyDelete
  31. That was hilariously awesome. I love the artwork!

    ReplyDelete
  32. whenever I look at that picture of me bending over the back of the VW, I can feel the chill of the night air again. Fishnets don't offer much warmth you know...
    thanks so much everyone! I appreciate it... Seriously, the drawings really make the story!

    ReplyDelete
  33. lol Awesome story and great illustrations.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Pat Tillett is priceless!! So glad he sent us over to your blog - your pictures are fan-tab-u-lous!

    ReplyDelete
  35. It's sad...so sad. I can't believe I haven't found this blog until today! Thanks, Pat.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Pat - I've worn them before (just for Halloween of course) and no, they do not offer any sort of protection from the elements :-)
    M Pax- Thanks! :-)
    Elaine - I know, he's got enough stories to write a book. And thank you :-)
    Clarissa - *blushes*

    ReplyDelete
  37. Oh! My Goodness, now that I've caught my breath! Yes I can imagine. Too too funny.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I came over from Pat's. This is LOL...loved it.
    Nice to meet you.
    Nancy
    N. R. Williams, fantasy author

    ReplyDelete
  39. Emma - Agreed :-)
    N.R. Williams - Nice to meet you as well!

    ReplyDelete
  40. That is awesome!!! I don't know how you draw those pictures. I'm all about lines and circles. I'm so jealous of your skills!

    ReplyDelete
  41. FreeFlying - OH, it takes YEARS and YEARS of practice. And by practice I mean drawing quickly while pretending to work. Lol

    ReplyDelete
  42. I love that you colored Pat's "own underwear" pink!

    You know, TS Hendrik up there has a 'coloring book' for grown ups that he takes submissions for. You should look into it! Although you might want to check out the guidelines first. No telling what your crazy wonderful wacked out brain might come up with and TS, well, he's just a boy...

    ReplyDelete
  43. Cotton Blossom - Yeah, Pat mentioned him to me as well; I'll have to email him about doing something together. I've been meaning to read everyone's blogs but I have been BUSY this week. I'll get on it though!

    ReplyDelete
  44. I am dropping by from Pat's blog! Oh my! I am laughing all the way from top to bottom! What a riot!

    The illustrations are so hilarious, especially the hot pink undies!

    Nice job both of you, artist and writer!

    ReplyDelete
  45. Ebie - Gracias! I think the hot pink undies went over pretty well :-D

    ReplyDelete
  46. You have presented Pat in ways never imagined before. Good job.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Pat in drag! Too cool. I visiting from Pat's place, he was right when he said you were funny.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Haha this is pretty brilliant ... very kind(/cruel) addition to Pat's story!

    And I'll give Pat props for being the one who led me to your cool blog ... I may be the 1,000th person to email you a story hoping for pictures now.

    ReplyDelete
  49. awesome story made even more awesome by the drawings..thanks..no I won't be able to sleep properly.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Jerry - Lol is that good or bad??
    SquirrelQueen - Thanks! :-)
    DumbFunnery - Thanks! I've actually only gotten four requests! :-/ I'll check out the blog and email you back tomorrow!
    Arjan - Just a good excuse to drink on a Sunday! :-D

    ReplyDelete
  51. THAT was just good fun.

    Stop by my own blog -- maybe one of your illustrations woud help me be more interesting!
    :-)

    Pearl

    ReplyDelete
  52. Pearl - Will do! If there's a story you want me to do just link it via a comment or email it to me :-)

    ReplyDelete

Talk to the Cake Betch - I'll always respond. Unless you're a dick, then I'll just be mad.