Guest Post - Patrick Tillett

Hey All! So I had this idea a week or two ago while I was reading some hilarious blogs and I thought, “Boy, I bet this would lend itself to some picture story-telling.” I mean, I am hilarious, but honestly I don’t always have funny shit to say. There are plenty of other funny stories out there to be told. So I had an idea that might be kind of fun: anyone that is interested can send me a story that they think is funny and would like to see in my gorgeous MS Paint renderings. I will draw the pictures to go along with it and then publish it as a guest post on my blog, maybe once or twice a month (these pictures take longer than you might think).

Just to give you an idea of what I’m talking about, I took the liberty of finding a story that I thought was hilarious and drawing it. The very first story I went with was taken from Patrick Tillett. I didn’t actually ask him before I did it, but I decided to pick one of his stories because he’s always been extremely supportive, encouraging, and downright sweet about all of my silly blog posts.

And guess what? He has a blog! And it’s awesome. You should definitely check it out. There are a lot of stories about his childhood and about serving in Vietnam that are hard to read but are so well written and so engrossing that when I first found his blog I spent probably four or five straight hours reading through them. There are also plenty of funny posts and tons of amazing photography in there as well. The story I chose was actually a response to a question someone had asked him on Formspring. You can find the original post right heeyaa. So thanks Pat for all your props. I hope you like it :-D

And if you other cake eaters like it and want to participate as a guest blogger, let me know! You don't have to have your own blog; if you read and want to tell a story just write it in an email to me. Otherwise let me know in the comments or send me a link to an already-written blog story that you want me to do. Obviously I’ll link back to your blog and totally talk you up, and you’ll be a handful of goofy-ass pictures richer (beatches).

So without further ado:

Have you ever worn woman's clothing that didn't involve it being Halloween?
Of course not! Well, actually I have…
Many years ago, I knew some folks that hosted a costume party 4 times a year. None of them involved Halloween. Written invitations were sent out via mail. In addition to the normal items included, there was also information relating to the theme of the party. If you did not dress appropriate to the announced theme, you did not get in the door. No matter how good a friend you were, you weren’t getting in. I had been to a couple of their parties; they were fun, but a lot of work. 
My girlfriend at the time (not the one that almost got me killed) came running in from the mailbox shrieking with happiness. 

She told me that we got an invitation to one of the costume parties. She was beside herself with glee. I asked her what the theme of the party was.
“Pimps and whores” she told me. 

“What’s so funny about that” I asked her.
“The guys have to be the whores!” she screamed while collapsing to the floor with laughter.
“I’m not going!
“Yes you are, because if you don’t, I’m going by myself!

I wasn’t at all happy about this. I finally rationalized that it wouldn’t be all that bad, because every guy there would be dressed like a prostitute, not just me. My girlfriend rented her costume; platform shoes, velvet suit, big hat with feathers in it, walking stick, etc.
The night of the party, I walked out of the house in a mini-skirt, fishnet stockings, heels, wig, full on make-up, fake nails, and knockers out to there. At the time, I wasn’t overweight at all, but I’m a big person. You can imagine how I looked.

The party was really good. Somebody took a bunch of photographs, had I gotten any of them, I'd attach one to this post.   YEAH RIGHT! It was hilarious to see the women trying to act “cool” and the guys trying to act “cheap.” I only knew that my spike heels were killing me. I eventually sprained my ankle and ditched them. A good time was had by all.
The party ended and we left. I threw the wig in the back seat of my VW and started home. We had gone about a mile when my throttle cable broke. Of course it was on a very busy and well lit street.  Don’t envision this happening in today’s world. Think about it happening in a world of no cell phones…
Picture me bending over the rear end of my bug, in my mini-skirt. On second thought don’t! I did have my own underwear on, but still, don't do it.  By the time I realized I couldn’t fix it myself, I had already been honked at several times. 

We needed to get to a phone, in a big hurry! There were a couple of brightly lit stores that were pretty close by. They both had public phones, but I insisted that we just pass right by them and walk into the residential area.

I stopped at the first house that had lights on. We called a tow truck and went back to the car and waited. Of course the tow truck driver couldn’t stop smiling while he hooked up my car. I explained the “rules” of the party to him, but he just shook his head and kept smiling. 

I’ve never gone out in public dressed in women’s clothing again. Wait, I mean I’ve never dressed in women’s clothing again.
Well Jamie, I hope that answers your question…