Friday, February 25, 2011

Guest Post - Goofy Girl

Today is a special day because today marks the second Guest Post blog. Our gracious guest host this time around is Goofy Girl from There is Grandeur in this View of Life. Goofy is my shoulda-been-neighbor from another state that has been here supporting and laughing at my posts when no one else will for quite some time. We've bonded over such things as:

Big feet

A penchant for dying our hair funky colors
Awesome dogs
.... and cheese. Glorious, glorious cheese.
Goofy has been living my dream of staying in London and traveling to Paris and Scotland and has a bunch of pictures you can go drool over if you're like me and dream of European vacations. Go check her out, send her some lovin'.

In case you missed it: Pat's Story  from Patrick Tillett
Up next time: Nikki from My Cyber House Rules

Without further ado, Goofy's Guest Post:

Now We're Even

Ever have one of those stories that just HAS TO BE told because it's too good to keep to yourself? This would be one of those stories.

On the night of October 31st, 2000 a group of friends & I had gathered at a house in a semi-remote part of the island where I live….and being that it was Halloween it became imperative that we do something decidedly spooky (or at least try). Collectively we had decided that wandering in the dark around the local Indian graveyard, just a 5 minute walk away through the woods, was our best bet. There were 6 of us: Molly & Nate (that's whose house were were at), Erik, Brandi, Brett (who was my fiance at the time, but is now just a dear friend), and Me. 

We set off down the road with double fisted beers in hand, laughing as we tried to scare each other.

"Oh my god! what's that?!"
"Shut up, that's not scary."
"No! really! there was something up there, didn't you see it?"
"Right there!"
"You know what that is?"
"Do tell."
"That'd be your horrible imagination running away from your inability to use it properly"

By the time we made it to the fence we had to climb over I found myself questioning what the hell I was thinking wearing an ankle length denim skirt, birkenstock clogs and an oversized sweater… did I mention the red & white striped thigh highs? Apparently my look that night was "big hot mess" topped off with a flame red bobbed wig. 

So...I guess that was indeed a costume, eh? (Pretty sure I was just lookin' to be comfy) Anyway… we all climbed over the fence and Brandi grabbed my hand and whispered "c'mon! Let's hide and scare the shit out of them!" I was game, we took off.

About a minute into the woods Brandi & I found these large logs that we could lay down beside to hide us as we waited for the big "RAWWWRRR!!!" Only, as we lay there, under the cloudless sky, and the perfectly full moon (how often does THAT happen on Halloween?!) I realized there was NOTHING scary about this night. The moon shone so brightly that at 9pm I could have been sitting in these woods reading a book without any extra light needed… and it was kinda warm… WTF? We soon heard the rest of the group heading our way, and prepared ourselves for the half assed scare… but being greeted by "why are you two laying in the dirt?" kinda killed that. I think we all realized pretty fast that there would be no scares that night… or so we thought.

Giving up on wandering the woods we all headed back to the main road, climbed the fence, and began the walk back to Nate & Molly's house. Soon enough, just like in grade school, it was the girls walking together, and the boys a few steps behind in a row. Silently we picked up our pace and tried to make the gap between "us" & "them" a bit bigger. The whispers began…

"we could hide just after the bend in the road and scare the shit out of them…"
"ok, but we'll have to start running…."
"Count of three?"
We all agreed with giggles and took off running. Molly on the far right, Brandi in the center, and Me on the left…

Molly looked back as we were running and noticed the guys were chasing us and let out a whispered yell of "to the right! the bushes on the right!" Brandi apparently needed someone to say "your other right!" as she crossed over in front of me and headed towards the woods on the left. 

In what felt like slow motion, but all happened in a nano second, I tried to grab her and stop her… and she landed directly on the barbed wire fence that lined the left side of the road and let out a scream followed by a moan.

Molly and I stood on either side of her and tried to lift her up, but Brandi was doubled over and dead weight. I felt my leg begin to sting, and wondered just how badly I had gashed myself when trying to "save" her (btw it was a pretty bad gash that created a 7 inch  "(" along side of one of the tattoos on my leg)… but put the thought out of my head since I was more worried about the fact that our friend had just impaled herself on a thick barbed wire fence through her gut. I got down on my knees and looked at her face, I asked her if she was okay…… she let out a laugh, and then raised her hand… WITH THE BEER STILL IN IT… and took a sip.

"BRANDI!!! Put down the fucking beer! Dumb ass!" I yelled.
"Wait, it's almost gone…" she said as she took another sip.

Molly and I exchanged glances, kicked Brandi in the butt, literally, and she dropped the beer. We both grabbed her by the belt loops and yanked her upright. She didn't have a mark on her…the thick part of the waistband of her jeans is what landed on the barbed wire, and I was the only one bleeding that night. The guys were all standing there watching the spectacle and laughing… but then they sort of realized how serious it could have been and individually asked Brandi if she was okay. 

We continued on our walk to Nate & Molly's, and as we were just rounding the corner by the giant barn at the Ag Hall (Agricultural Hall) we collectively decided that Brandi needed to make it up to all of us for the stupid scare, and told her that unless she went through the barn up ahead, alone, she wouldn't be allowed back in the house, and no more beer.

Brandi stood there and looked ahead at the barn. I gotta be honest, at night, regardless of full moon and warmish weather, that is one freaky foreboding looking' building. It was pitch black inside, and I knew that Brandi would be scared….

"You guys, really?!" she whimpered.

"YES" we all replied and pointed in the direction of the barn. It seemed only fair for some reason. 

The nice person in me suggested she just "take off running" and Molly agreed. We convinced her to start here on the road and just run at full speed all the way through the barn (it's HUGE btw) and back. So Brandi finished her last beer, re-tied her shoe laces, and prepared herself as we stood around her in a "Children Of The Corn" style semi-circle eggin' her on….

Brandi closed her eyes tight and took off like a shot in a perfect straight line for the opening.. and as she drew closer we almost couldn't see her anymore…. it was like the darkness ahead had swallowed her…. then there was this really loud *KaThUnK* noise that just silenced us. I think we all lost our breath in that instant. We were about to yell out for her till we heard a distant whimper from the barn……..

"you guuuuuuys?" It was Brandi.

Her voice still in the distance…."You guys, the doors to the barn aren't open…. they're painted black."

It took a good 10 minutes to get us all up from the ground due to laughing so hard our legs stopped functioning. Brandi slowly walked back to us and just stood there with her arms crossed staring at us rolling around in the dirt with tears of laughter in our eyes. 

"We good? We even?" she asked.

Our only answer was more laughter.


  1. Yet again, you have thoroughly cracked me up. Those illustrations are so fantastic! Thank you so much for doing this, I absolutely love it ♥

    ...and the one of Brandi heading off to her "other left" just about had me doing a spit take... which I am getting kind of used to when reading your blog, and should probably keep liquids away when doing so. I never learn.

  2. That is so damn funny! the illustrations REALLY bring it to life!!!
    great job (both of you)

  3. great illustrations to a great story...lmao

  4. Oilfield - I liked it too :-)
    Goofy - It was a pleasure! I'm glad you liked them, I was afraid they were boring.
    Pat - Thanks Pat!
    Miss Tsa - Glad you enjoyed it.

  5. PS. forgot to tell you, the blog that is currently up on my blog "That Betch" was written about an hour after you sent me the email telling me you'd post this today, and I kept it in drafts till this one was posted... which made me laugh even harder at the "wish she was my neighbor" thing.

  6. Oh.....



    That is hilarious! HILARIOUS!

    How long did it take for your abs to recover from that laugh, GoofyGirl? Cuz I'm pretty sure it'll be Sunday before mine are okay again and I'm getting the story like third-hand.... :)

  7. I would have DIED laughing, even if I was sober!! Love the barn illustration, too.

  8. YOU TWO are one heckuva team!!!

    Great job ladies!!!!

    I mean Great Job


    Did I get ya--huh, huh?

    No? Mmmmmm...Awhaight den. Best Billy Bob Thornton Sling Blade Voice


  9. Goofy - That would be sweet, I agree, we'd probably raise some chaos. I'd say you should visit Columbus but I don't know what the hell you'd come here for :D
    Maggie - I don't know if she'll see your comment - you should leave one on hers too
    On My Soapbox - It's too bad they weren't close enough to see her actually run into the doors. That'd be even better.
    John - Gracias! And maybe next time :-)

  10. That is a great story and you did wonderful pictures too.

  11. Love the illustrations, but really enjoyed the story. Glad the barbed wire didn't do more damage.

  12. M Pax - Seriously, that could have been really bad.

  13. London Escourts - Oh why thank you, and you as well.

  14. That is a good one!
    I really like the whole encounter, must have been a fun experience!


Talk to the Cake Betch - I'll always respond. Unless you're a dick, then I'll just be mad.