Do you know what a sneaky hate spiral is? If you don't, you should just take yourself right over to Sneaky Hate Spiral at Hyperbole and a Half. I almost hate to drop that link because those of you that I have tricked into thinking I am at all funny are immediately going to break up with me for Hyperbole. There is no funnier collection of blogs to be found. Once you have read that, then you'll understand mine.
The day was immediately terrible because I woke up 50 minutes late, so I had exactly 40 minutes to get ready, which is only enough time to get ready on days I don't have to wash my hair. Today was a day that I had to shower because I hadn't washed my hair... in three days. I'm a busy girl, don't judge. That's an extra hour and I just don't always have enough time in the day to look foxy. This means I'm going to be late for work, and I haaaaate being late. Hate it.
So I hop in and out of the shower and quick blow my hair dry. I don't have much time to spend on it and I haven't dyed it in a while, so not only is it flat, it is all wonky and my bangs are flipped out Farrah Fawcett style. I am irritated but can't do anything about it now.
I actually make pretty good time to work... until the last stretch of road. Some woman in an old car puts her blinker on and slides in front of me, almost clipping my bumper. I briefly considered laying on my horn until her ears bled, but thought better of it. She then proceeds to drive ten miles under the speed limit in front of me. Remember my post about the different types of assholes? This asshole decided to take it to the city streets. Asshole.
I finally pull into work and park, and then I get to struggle with the 30lbs worth of computer bag, lunch bag, and planner I need to carry in with me. I should mention that I have a Judas spine that regularly goes out on me. It's been out for about three days, which means I can't move at all without entering my own personal hell of excruciating pain. Trying to navigate out of the car (which sits really low) with all my bags in tow is no easy feat, and I'm almost in tears as I squirm out.
I had a sweater in the trunk that I wanted to take inside so it was warm when I left for school later, so I struggle around to the back of the car and pop the truck.
I drive a hatchback, and it is supposed to open hydraulically, then stay open. It's also pretty damn heavy. Without paying much attention I toss it up and lean in to grab my sweater. Then I discover the hydraulics aren't working anymore when the hatch slams down on my head, pushing me halfway into the car.
It is at this point I lose my fucking shit. I went from irritated to insane in about two seconds. Not only do I start spewing a string of expletives, I push it back into the air and then start punching the underside of the hatch. The last punch I threw knocked out a cover for my tail lights.
I recover pretty quickly, but not quickly enough, and then I close the trunk and look around to see if any of my coworkers just saw me go schizophrenic on the hatch of my car before walking in to start the day.
Something tells me I may need to take some yoga to relieve all the stress I've been under from school lately.
Oh who am I kidding. I'm just going to drink.