Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Tara Falls to the Sneaky Hate Spiral

Do you know what a sneaky hate spiral is? If you don't, you should just take yourself right over to  Sneaky Hate Spiral at Hyperbole and a Half. I almost hate to drop that link because those of you that I have tricked into thinking I am at all funny are immediately going to break up with me for Hyperbole. There is no funnier collection of blogs to be found. Once you have read that, then you'll understand mine.

The day was immediately terrible because I woke up 50 minutes late, so I had exactly 40 minutes to get ready, which is only enough time to get ready on days I don't have to wash my hair. Today was a day that I had to shower because I hadn't washed my hair... in three days. I'm a busy girl, don't judge. That's an extra hour and I just don't always have enough time in the day to look foxy. This means I'm going to be late for work, and I haaaaate being late. Hate it.

So I hop in and out of the shower and quick blow my hair dry. I don't have much time to spend on it and I haven't dyed it in a while, so not only is it flat, it is all wonky and my bangs are flipped out Farrah Fawcett style. I am irritated but can't do anything about it now.

I actually  make pretty good time to work... until the last stretch of road. Some woman in an old car puts her blinker on and slides in front of me, almost clipping my bumper. I briefly considered laying on my horn until her ears bled, but thought better of it. She then proceeds to drive ten miles under the speed limit in front of me. Remember my post about the different types of assholes? This asshole decided to take it to the city streets. Asshole.

I finally pull into work and park, and then I get to struggle with the 30lbs worth of computer bag, lunch bag, and planner I need to carry in with me. I should mention that I have a Judas spine that regularly goes out on me. It's been out for about three days, which means I can't move at all without entering my own personal hell of excruciating pain. Trying to navigate out of the car (which sits really low) with all my bags in tow is no easy feat, and I'm almost in tears as I squirm out.

I had a sweater in the trunk that I wanted to take inside so it was warm when I left for school later, so I struggle around to the back of the car and pop the truck.

 I drive a hatchback, and it is supposed to open hydraulically, then stay open. It's also pretty damn heavy. Without paying much attention I toss it up and lean in to grab my sweater. Then I discover the hydraulics aren't working anymore when the hatch slams down on my head, pushing me halfway into the car.

It is at this point I lose my fucking shit. I went from irritated to insane in about two seconds. Not only do I start spewing a string of expletives, I push it back into the air and then start punching the underside of the hatch. The last punch I threw knocked out a cover for my tail lights.

I recover pretty quickly, but not quickly enough, and then I close the trunk and look around to see if any of my coworkers just saw me go schizophrenic on the hatch of my car before walking in to start the day.

Something tells me I may need to take some yoga to relieve all the stress I've been under from school lately.

Oh who am I kidding. I'm just going to drink.


  1. I would never break up with you for Hyperbole. I followed her for a long time, but I no longer do! What does she have, like 10K followers?
    I really like what you do and I like the fact that you are just starting out here!

    You would have had a much better day if you'd not overslept, but then again, we wouldn't have got this great post from you, if you had!


  2. That is an epically bad day. The only good thing about this is that it makes for an excellent story.

  3. Pat - I still follow her, but I don't comment on her blog because a.) I don't want to read 500 other follow-up comments and b.) I doubt she even reads all of them and c.) I HIGHLY doubt she'd ever respond to them. I like the give-and-take of people who are still "in touch" with and communicate with their readers. I'll still read her stuff, but I won't really interact with her. For me the interaction is the best thing about writing the blog.
    Does that make sense or am I rambling?
    Rambling Hutch - Thanks! It actually ended up not being so terrible, but I was worried that it had gone so wrong less than two hours in.

  4. PS - Did i close with the word 'rambling' because RamblingHutch was next? Hmm.... perhaps I should have said 'babbling' for some variety.

  5. Ahhh... The Sneaky Hate Spiral. I think we're all familiar. I flipped a guy off and laid on my horn this week for daring to inch into traffic whilst I was running a yellow light. I'm not sorry.

  6. I know, it really does just sneak up on you and suddenly your head is spinning and you're projectile vomiting. Or maybe that's just me.

  7. Holy cow, what a morning! lol Sorry your trunk slammed on your head. It hurts like hell, I've totally been there with you ;)

  8. I know, it already hurts when your hatch makes you a snack, and then add the thrown-out back to it.... not good.

  9. My Volvo used to try to make a snack out of me...but only in the winter. I showed her by trading that bitch in for an Altima.

  10. The sneaky hate spiral can suck it.
    I have a feeling its coming my way tomorrow.
    It reared its ugly head on Monday with me realizing I had a staff meeting at 8am at 805 and my eye being a bitch and being unable to get any work done, which gets me in trouble, because my phone wouldn't stop ringing for a fundraiser we are having.


  11. in lieu of repeating myself (& re-embarrassing myself) how about I just ask you to peek at this and then promise not to "unfollow" me for being such a dork.

    i.e I feel your pain.

  12. Chi-town: I can't show my car by trading it for quite some time, but despite the fact that it's a pain in my ass I still love it.
    Ella - It hit me again yesterday. I think it's just been that kind of week. And I did have a bit of a tantrum last week at work when I found out about a meeting at the same time as yours.
    Goofy - LOL. I do stuff like that all the time, my boyfriend is constantly calling me out on something stupid I'm about to do. Two weeks ago I stuffed a latte into my armpit while getting out of my car, then leaned in to get my bristol board which had final design projects inside. I'm sure you can figure out what happened to the latte and my projects.


Talk to the Cake Betch - I'll always respond. Unless you're a dick, then I'll just be mad.