Our Halloween 2009 Story

I love Halloween. I am kind of obsessed with it. Since I have gotten older and had to do things like get a job and take on responsibilities and pay bills, I haven’t been able to do as much for the holiday as I would like to. However I’m starting to see Halloween stuff for sale and it reminded me of this little story from last year:

I do this thing called ‘corpsing.’ It involves buying one of those anatomical skeletons you saw in science or anatomy classes and then making it appear to be a rotting corpse. They look awesome, and very real. Three of the skeletons I made last year:

PS – they’re for sale too, *hint *hint*

Pretty realistic looking right? The pictures don’t even really do them justice.

So for Halloween last year I went as a zombie. Justin went as Ash from Living Dead (and was all pissy because no one knew who he was).

On Friday the 30^th, I get a text from Justin saying that he and his coworkers are going to Hooters for some beers and I should join, so after our office Halloween party, which my corpses attended, I hopped in the car and drove my living-dead ass over to Hooters. We have beers and eats. We also have a house party at 10:00pm in Columbus that we’re supposed to attend and Justin forgot the directions at work, so we drive over and park in the back by the loading dock and warehouse.

We’re there for maybe 15 minutes puttering around when we get hungry and go up front to raid the fridge for whatever food remained from the Halloween potluck party. While I’m up there, I suddenly see headlights flashing in the windows. It’s perfectly okay for us to be here, but I still freak out. Justin goes up front and peeks around the corner and sees that it is the Po-Po. Commence shitting of pants.

Justin tells me that it’s no big deal, they occasionally check out the buildings. This calms my fears for the moment, until we go back into the lab (where he works). We’re getting ready to leave when suddenly we hear the door banging around, like someone is trying to open it. Re-commence shitting of pants.

We go into the warehouse and stand there staring at the twisting doorknob. After a few moments of debate (including turning the lights on, then back off, for some reason) Justin finally opens the door – to two officers with their guns drawn. This of course was terrifying for us, but imagine the face-full they got of Justin and I, standing in a dark warehouse.

They immediately start barking at us – “Who are you!? Do you work here? Do you have proof that you work here? What are you doing here!?”

They separate us; one cop takes Justin to her car and the other cop stands out front of my car with me. To make a long story short, here are the events that unfolded that led to cops drawing their guns on us, then separating and interrogating us:

-         We were not the only ones that came back to the office. Two other sets of people had gone back at separate times, turned off the alarm, then re-armed it (just like we had). By the time we got there, the alarm had been turned off, then armed - three times. The security company called the police, thinking this was a little fishy.

-         The Columbus police show up, not really thinking that anything was going on. However, they drive around back and see a single car parked in the back. The hood of the car is still warm, so they know someone is in the building.

-         They notice the cargo in my trunk – two rotting fucking dead bodies. Justin also had a toy shotgun lying in the back seat. He spray painted that little orange thingy on the end black – you know, the one that designates the gun as a toy? What would you think if you saw these things through the tinted windows of a car, strewn half way out of the truck across the back seat?

That is half a real coffin, btw. I have two.

Yeah. That’s what they thought. The cop said to me, “I’ve seen a few dead bodies in my day. Normally these calls are just false alarms, but I actually thought that we might have something going on tonight.”

They let us go without any problems. Any beer buzz that I had worked my way up to had long since deserted me, and thank God, because they sat in their car until we drove away.

Moral of the story: I haven’t a clue. But it’s solid proof that my skeletons are awe-sem.

Rawr!