Guest Post - Justin

Okay, so I know that I said Nikki from My Cyber House Rules was up next but I am going to bend the rules a little bit. Justin asked me to start working on the pictures for his guest blog that he said he would do for the last year and a half so I jumped at it hoping that he would actually pull through this time with something I could post. Lo and behold he pumped something out that can actually be read by the general public so he gets bumped into the guest post lineup. I know, favoritism and all, but I have to live with him and deal with him so he gets special privileges.


Well hello.  For months Miss Betch has been hounding me to write a guest post on her blog because, quite frankly, I'm fucking awesome and her sole source of inspiration.  As a matter of fact, without me there would be no blog.  As I remember it, our conversation went a little something like this:

CakeBetch: "Hey, sexy, what are you doing over there and why aren't you taking your shirt off so I can rub your rippling muscles?"

Me: "I'm just checking my email.  I'm done, let's get it on!"

CakeBetch: "eeee maaaale??"

Me: "Yeah, email.  You know, mail sent electronically over the internet?"

CakeBetch: "En-tern-ehhht?"

Yes.  I taught CakeBetch what the internet is.  Prior to that, she only did two things (two things at an expert level, I might add) - bake cakes and betch.    So, without further adieu, I present a CakeBetch style rant by Miss Betch's idol, PieDeck (aka Mr. Betch, aka Justin, aka Studs Awesometon).

I am a reader.  I do not see words and convey meaning.  I read.  When I lift a book and start reading, sound around me dies, consciousness  of the world around me fades, and along with it my ability to see anything other than the page.  Enter the most HD, 3D, Hi-Rez, Surround Sound, ball-shaking, movie forum ever: my imagination.  I read the way Buddhist monks meditate.  I don't think I'm alone in this.  I'm sure everyone out there reading this blog right now is imagining the smell of my cologne, the wind in my hair, my rippling muscles held firmly in place by a comfortable layer of beer fat.  This is what readers do.  We pick books up and are transported to a fantasy world framed by the author and decorated by our brains.  The mental resources devoted to this alternate reality places me in a near-coma state sometimes, and I'm perfectly fine with that.  Others; however, are not.

            

There are two basic types of these people.  The nonreaders who don't understand, and unwittingly throw a rock through the window to my imagination, and the readers who don't really give a shit about slamming my world to a halt (see also: the inhuman, godless, abomination of a human that finishes the last of the coffee and doesn't make another pot for more information on the latter).  Before I offend too many people, I think the majority of these experiences are by nonreaders who just don't know any better, but damnit, it happens all the time.  I read at my desk during lunch, people think I'm working and talk to me.  I read in the break room during lunch, people think I'm on lunch so obviously I need to be social.  At multiple jobs/schools I've hid in back corners of the building and have STILL been interrupted!  Every time it happens I am struck with an overwhelming sense of... of... WTF!

I conveyed my stories to Tara and she was able to use her awesome MS Paint abilities to relay what happens to me almost every time I read.

I WILL SAVE QUEEN BREASTIOUS AND FREE BABEDOM OF THEIR EVIL BRA-CURSE!!!

sigh... nothing...

source picture

source picture (scope) & source picture (hitler) 

source picture

That's right, move into view.  Allmost there... ALL-MOOOST-THEEEERRRE

Your mistake was taking Poland before YOU TOOK OUT ME!! BYE-BYE HITLER!!!

BANG!

I've sooo got chubs for you right now.

<shrinking boner noise>source picture

I can see Tara's boobs from here!

....  source picture

Finally, I made it

Just swap this out here and it will be all MINE!!!

...of course I'm goi-HOLY SHIT! LOOK OUT FOR THAT GIANT BALL!source picture

GOT- TO- GET- *ugh* UP- AND- RETIRE- MORE- ANDYS...

BITCH COOK ME DINNER!

source picture

I'm sure, eventually, I'll be left alone and then I'll have time enough at last to read.

** editor's note: Justin did these last two drawings all by himself and they're a Twilight Zone reference for you geek-impaired readers.