Monday, March 21, 2011

Guest Post - Justin

Okay, so I know that I said Nikki from My Cyber House Rules was up next but I am going to bend the rules a little bit. Justin asked me to start working on the pictures for his guest blog that he said he would do for the last year and a half so I jumped at it hoping that he would actually pull through this time with something I could post. Lo and behold he pumped something out that can actually be read by the general public so he gets bumped into the guest post lineup. I know, favoritism and all, but I have to live with him and deal with him so he gets special privileges.

Well hello.  For months Miss Betch has been hounding me to write a guest post on her blog because, quite frankly, I'm fucking awesome and her sole source of inspiration.  As a matter of fact, without me there would be no blog.  As I remember it, our conversation went a little something like this:

CakeBetch: "Hey, sexy, what are you doing over there and why aren't you taking your shirt off so I can rub your rippling muscles?"
Me: "I'm just checking my email.  I'm done, let's get it on!"
CakeBetch: "eeee maaaale??"
Me: "Yeah, email.  You know, mail sent electronically over the internet?"
CakeBetch: "En-tern-ehhht?"

Yes.  I taught CakeBetch what the internet is.  Prior to that, she only did two things (two things at an expert level, I might add) - bake cakes and betch.    So, without further adieu, I present a CakeBetch style rant by Miss Betch's idol, PieDeck (aka Mr. Betch, aka Justin, aka Studs Awesometon).

I am a reader.  I do not see words and convey meaning.  I read.  When I lift a book and start reading, sound around me dies, consciousness  of the world around me fades, and along with it my ability to see anything other than the page.  Enter the most HD, 3D, Hi-Rez, Surround Sound, ball-shaking, movie forum ever: my imagination.  I read the way Buddhist monks meditate.  I don't think I'm alone in this.  I'm sure everyone out there reading this blog right now is imagining the smell of my cologne, the wind in my hair, my rippling muscles held firmly in place by a comfortable layer of beer fat.  This is what readers do.  We pick books up and are transported to a fantasy world framed by the author and decorated by our brains.  The mental resources devoted to this alternate reality places me in a near-coma state sometimes, and I'm perfectly fine with that.  Others; however, are not.
There are two basic types of these people.  The nonreaders who don't understand, and unwittingly throw a rock through the window to my imagination, and the readers who don't really give a shit about slamming my world to a halt (see also: the inhuman, godless, abomination of a human that finishes the last of the coffee and doesn't make another pot for more information on the latter).  Before I offend too many people, I think the majority of these experiences are by nonreaders who just don't know any better, but damnit, it happens all the time.  I read at my desk during lunch, people think I'm working and talk to me.  I read in the break room during lunch, people think I'm on lunch so obviously I need to be social.  At multiple jobs/schools I've hid in back corners of the building and have STILL been interrupted!  Every time it happens I am struck with an overwhelming sense of... of... WTF!

I conveyed my stories to Tara and she was able to use her awesome MS Paint abilities to relay what happens to me almost every time I read.

sigh... nothing...

That's right, move into view.  Allmost there... ALL-MOOOST-THEEEERRRE
Your mistake was taking Poland before YOU TOOK OUT ME!! BYE-BYE HITLER!!!

I've sooo got chubs for you right now.
<shrinking boner noise>source picture

I can see Tara's boobs from here!
....  source picture

Finally, I made it
Just swap this out here and it will be all MINE!!!
...of course I'm goi-HOLY SHIT! LOOK OUT FOR THAT GIANT BALL!source picture



I'm sure, eventually, I'll be left alone and then I'll have time enough at last to read.
** editor's note: Justin did these last two drawings all by himself and they're a Twilight Zone reference for you geek-impaired readers.


  1. This was all kinds of awesome.

    I wish I was artistic like that.

  2. The drawings are awesome! Followed!

  3. LOL...I'm of the "reader" breed too so I know how he feels. Love the visuals, as usual.

  4. I'm a reader and I'm pretty good at blocking everyone out (even my wife, amazingly). I like my book world better than the real one!
    Great post AND drawings...

  5. LOVED that post! We are all readers in our family - but the running joke is to wait until you see someone on the last pages and then start asking them questions about the book...or just repetedly asking them if they are on the last page yet.

  6. Oilfield - Lol thanks! :-)
    Ankmanpro - Awesome! Thanks for tagging along!
    Miss Tsa - Yeah me too - but he had me add that last drawing because he was totally reading when I started badgering him about the blog.
    Pat - I think learning to tune our their wives is a science most men master with age and practice :-D
    laughingmom - LOL I would do that to Justin but I'm a reader myself so it would just backfire.

  7. Sweet mother. You make me ashamed of my artwork. I pimped you on the twitter.

  8. Chelle - OH HELL NO. Your drawings blow mine out of the water. And thanks!!!<3 Bout to go find you :-)

  9. I think I have a girl crush on you... and I'm MARRIED. TO A BOY. ALMOST.

  10. Girl crush! I'm not married but I have a boyfriend. But that means I'm still technically single!! It could happen! :-D

  11. Baaaaaaaaaaaahahaha, oh my god. This happens to me ALL THE TIME. (See also: reading on the bus and being talked to by TOTAL STRANGERS who think it's extremely appropriate to interrupt someone who is clearly not in conversation mode. Also? They are crazy.)

  12. greengeekgirl - I really never have the opportunity to read in public anymore so I don't get interrupted very often. Justin gets mad at me when I interrupt him but he does it to me all the time.

  13. That's my fave Twilight Zone. My real version of hell. And he's a funny Mr. Betch. Lucky lady.

  14. Nicole - He's a funny guy, might be one reason we get along so well :-)

  15. This is awesome! The drawings and the story are fantastic :D

  16. This post is brilliant on so many levels.

    Oh, and I hope you don't mind, but from now on I'm calling everyone I know Queen Breastious. (Even the guys.)

  17. bschooled - No please. It would be an honor if you took it and used it on everyone else you know. (It might be appropriate for some men, just sayin).

  18. Friggin Brilliant, Awesome, Cool---don't bother me---I'm reading!


  19. yes. this. exactly! non-readers are so yucky.

  20. mylittlebecky - They're everywhere though! I don't think they're yucky, I just think they're missing out.

  21. My new problem when reading in public these days is the constant "Is that a Kindle? How much did it cost? Do you like it? What are you reading on it? Have you read TWILIGHT?" Seriously. People ask that last one all of the time like they are so pleased we might have the one book they've read since Charlotte's Web in common.

  22. Lulu - I know, it's taken the place of The Da Vinci Code from a few years ago. People used to toss that title around like it meant they were super smart for reading it. No offense, anyone that has read and liked the Da Vinci Code....


Talk to the Cake Betch - I'll always respond. Unless you're a dick, then I'll just be mad.