Awards and Dysfunction

Hi everyone! Hi new followers! So glad you came to follow me right when I'm in the middle of a nervous breakdown. Now the REAL shit-show will begin! I'm just kidding. Please don't leave me.

A few of the questions I have received in the past two weeks:

Are you dead?
> No, I am alive, but I'm barely functioning. You should see my house, I'm pretty sure I'm cultivating mushrooms somewhere, and not the fun kind.

New post soon?
> I would love to be able to do one and I did finally come up with an idea for a new post but my brain is not really working like I would like it to. I'm not quite sure what is wrong with me but I've spent the last two or three weeks in a constant hazy coma of crippling depression. FUN, right! I know. But it has basically hindered my ability to do anything other than this:

Are you still going to do my guest post?
> Yes. I still fully intend on doing the guest posts I've received (both as guests on my blog and my posts on your blogs). Once again, the loss of brain function and lack of desire to do anything but sleep all day has prohibited me from working on these posts. They will get done, I just don't know when.

Are you going to explode in a burning fire of self-pity and doubt?
> It is very possible.

Why haven't you commented on my blog posts recently?
> See above. I am barely feeding myself. I've got like 300 blogs I need to read. I am trying to go through them but please don't think I've abandoned you if I haven't written you love notes recently. It's not you, it's me. For reals.

Anything new going on?
> YES, actually. I'm going to be (hopefully) freelancing for 614 Magazine!! Awesome right? I didn't win (or even place) in the ColumBEST blogger award but I still (maybe) got a job out of it. Win!

Would you like me to send you a gift of cookies?
> UM, HELLFUCKINGYES???

Did you make up the last four questions yourself?
> Totally.

Are you still there? Sweet. Okay. I know I'm totallyfuckingboring.

I also won an award! Yaaaays! I'm pretty sure that I was just gifted this award as a pity gift because I'm not quite sure how in the hell anything I've ever written could be remotely inspirational, but it is what it is. I got this inspirational award from the lovely, frank, entertaining Minute Man's Wife. Her blog covers love and life, relationships, and anything else in between. If you haven't read her work before you should probably go check her out right now and leave her some love. Thank you my dear.

As part of the rules of this award I need to pass it on to 10 more inspirational bloggers. I would like to do more than 10 because I really love you all shitloads, but I will keep it short and sweet.

Chelle from Coffee & Zombie Movies - And before you ask, yes, I totally followed her based upon the title of her blog. But I have yet to be disappointed by anything she ever writes because it's fucking HILAAARRIOUS and she draws pictures too. Hearts. I wish I was as funny as she is.

Doesn't this look amazing?

Riot Kitty - I'm sitting here trying to figure out what the fuck Riot Kitty's blog is about but I can't really put my finger on anything in particular. There's a bunch of stuff on there, it's just whatever the hell she feels like writing, which is totally cool in my book. Plus, she posts lolcats pictures. Instant draw for people like me with the attention span of a carrot.

SOLD!

Patrick Tillett - I've never made any bones about my love for Pat and his blog and if you've followed me for any period of time you probably know that. Pat truly does deserve an Inspirational award for all the shit he has been through in his lifetime and he came out the other end a super awesome lovable human being. Shit, nothing bad has ever happened to me and I'm hardly bearable.

This sums Patrick up very neatly I think

Nikki from My Cyber House Rules - This is one badass 'fun and fearless female' (her phrase) right here folks. She just got into a women's roller derby team. TOTALLY HOT! I don't have a 10th of the balls she has to do something like that (and I'm pretty sure I can't move in roller blades or skates). If I ever am able to come out of my shell Nikki will be my next guest blogger.

She looks pretty legit to me.

Sandra from Absolutely Narcissism - This betch be crazy. The kind of crazy that makes you wish she lived nearby so you could take liquor over to her place and see what kind of trouble you can get into. She is endless sass and narcissism and not scared to admit it, and I sincerely hope that if I have crotch fruits of my own someday that I mother them just like she mothers hers.

She cooks in a crown and looks like a supermodel. What a betch!

Liz from Queen E The Third - I super love this little diva from Jersey (doesn't that just make you want to talk with an accent? I don't know if she has an accent or not. She probably does). Another straight up honest kind of girl which I always adore. She's going through a rough spot right now with her mother so make sure you stop over and send her some lovins.

Goofy Girl from There is Grandeur in This View of Life - Another one of my favorite bloggers; I love Goofy to itty bitty cute little pieces. You may remember her from an earlier guest post on my page, but she's another fun awesome femme that I wish was my neighbor because she rules and you should follow her blog. Goofy has hit a rough patch in life as well (we have discussed cuz we're homies) and could use some love too.

Disgustingly cute, right?

Laughing Mom from Where's the Funny Here? - This mommy blogger has a gift for humor and it boggles my mind why she does not have more followers showering her with love and adoration. I got in there early and when she blows up I'll be able to say that I was there first. Well, not first, but pretty close. So there. She finds the funny; you will too.

I still have to get this amazing decal that she found

The Shy Narcissist from Broke, Amusing, and Genius- Shy Narcissist(or AkelLove if you follow her twitter) is another one of those bloggers that is a little bit all over the place; the not-so-easy-to-peg blogger. She's a dollface and she's from Nairobi which instantly interests me because I am not from Nairobi and know nothing about it. And for calling herself a Narcissist she has very few photos (read: none) of herself on her blog. So we'll just go with her avatar here.

Shy is not really a bouquet

Chelsey from Misery and Merriment - Chelsey is also a crazy betch, a little whacked out, and a whole lot of funny and cute. She draws awesome pictures to go along with her stories too and I wubs her. Check her out for realz or else she might hurt you. Possibly. I wouldn't put it past her. She looks like she might cut a bitch if you cross her.

The caption on this photo is "Yaay! Drugs for me!" Well played, Chelsey

If you weren't included please don't feel bad. I still love you. Email me and once I'm not losing my mind I'll throw you up on guest post and talk about how much I love you. Hang in there with me guys, I've got some stress I need to overcome in the meantime.