I'm the Best Girlfriend Evar

Justin is always telling me what an awesome girlfriend I am, and asking me how it's possible that I became so amazing and awesome. It wasn't easy, let me tell you. But after he asked me enough I thought that I should probably put together a blog post so that other women may follow in my footsteps in an attempt to be amazingly awesome as well. It's worked really well for me so far, so it must be good, right?

1.) Make sure you have some kind of alcohol in your system at all times.

1a.) For those nights that you have a LOT of alcohol in your system (which should be most nights), make sure you either a.) break down and cry about something REALLY stupid, b.) get angry and start a fight over something REALLY stupid, or c.) get so inebriated that your boyfriend has to get you off the kitchen floor to go to bed. Having to take care of you makes him feel super manly and protective.

2.)Insist on going out to eat almost every night of the week and then complain about how fat you are. Men love getting the opportunity to reaffirm you and build your confidence up. You should complain about your body once every hour or so; more if you're eating.

3.) Belch, pretty much nonstop. Make sure to do so in the middle of a conversation, while watching a scary movie, or while talking with his grandmother on the phone. He will appreciate your willingness to be gassy in front of him cause it shows you're being 'real'.

4.) Do not cook anything. Ever, ever, ever. If you do slip up and cook dinner one night make sure that it tastes terrible. Your boyfriend be endeared to you because you are such a dumbass in the kitchen. That's super cute.

That is a real pancake I tried to make last year. The dog won't even eat it. 

5.) If he's a computer geek like my boyfriend, force him to download such artists as Avril Lavigne, Lady Gaga, and Miley Cyrus. Then sing to them LOUDLY while you are driving somewhere together. He loves to hear your singing voice and will probably fall more in love with you.

6.)  Speaking of driving, make him drive everywhere. He'll feel much more manly when he's chauffeuring driving you around town. Don't give him any gas money either, he'll feel like you're emasculating him.

7.) Instead of letting him play video games at night, insist on watching a romantic movie, or perhaps a movie from your childhood. I just bought The Last Unicorn on Blueray but I think I'll wait until the next time he wants to play Call of Duty to spring it on him. He'll love your spontaneity and girly soft side, even if he pretends not to.

8.) Shower two or three times a week at best. Your man loves your 'natural smell'. After two or three days you'll have natural smell in SPADES! Bonus points if you go for a week at a time.

9.) Bring home a 118lb dog with a brain the size of a walnut and all the commen sense that implies. Do a poor job of training him as a puppy and let your boyfriend handle him when you're out in public so that if your dog acts like an asshole the boyfriend can take the blame for it. Of course he'd never want you to look bad so this is totally cool with him.

Obviously the pick of the litter. 

10.) Don't shave your legs from September to April. Let those gams grow some hair. This will make your boyfriend feel manly and primal when he sees your silky leg fur blowing gently in the breeze. If your legs do not resemble small pine trees you are doing something wrong.

Good luck ladies! Please, if you follow this guide, send me your pictures / success stories! A system has to be proven to be accepted!

picture source
picture source

This is my first blog. Eva.

I’m not exactly sure how to start a blog, which could be one reason why I haven’t started it, even though I’ve been talking about it for at least a year now. Not that I have any grandiose visions of readers immediately flocking to it, hanging on my every last word (other than possibly my mother), but I’d be pleased if I had at least 10 readers by next year.

Who am I:

My name is Cake Betch because I’m a cake decorator in my spare time. The titles will be interchangeable. At the time of this writing I am twenty-six years old, going back to college for my second degree, struggling with money, slowly putting on weight, and becoming rather cynical.

I live in Columbus, Ohio. Last September my boyfriend and I moved in to a cute little house, and then in December we thought it’d be a sweet idea to buy a dog. A Great Dane. More stories on the boyfriend and Kaiser to come later.

 My reasons for writing this blog:

I like to write, and I want to do more of it.

I enjoy making other people laugh. I don’t know if you’ll laugh at me or with me or even at all, but maybe. We’ll see.

I like to tell stories. I have stories. You get the picture.

I don’t know, I guess I’m out of reasons.

I feel that pictures make a blog better. I also tend to only like blogs where I have a visual of what the writer looks like. I feel like you just can't care about someone if they're invisible, so here's a picture of me on my birthday, doing what I do best:

Let's get wasty-faced! Wheeeeeee!

 Also, here's a picture of Kaiser blowing shit up:

Fact: Kaiser will explode you.